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Last Updated: Jul 22nd, 2008 - 17:50:22 |
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| Save The Marriage |
Back in the old days in Mesopotamia, marriages do exist in a different form such that divorces were documented because they happen. Some causes of divorce at these times take account of adultery. Though since polygamy was a standard practice at these times we can only speculate the reasons for adultery in divorce.
While early forms of marriage and the causes of divorce did exist even in the cradle of civilization, the practice carried on until this century. The causes of divorce is still the same though recent additions to its grounds have made marriage a rather easy exercise that can be cast and shape and die at will, especially by those abusive and deceitful spouses.
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The most abused option, the one most recognized and tarnished ground is the No Fault Divorce. The no fault divorce allows either party of the marriage to sue for a divorce with reasons like irreconcilable differences as the grounds.
By reading the decree alone you can see a great deal on how such loopholes can be abused. For instance: a husband can file for a divorce without letting the wife know, citing irreconcilable differences. It would be approved and the wife will be forced out of the home and closed from all the family finances.
Likewise an adulterer wife becomes pregnant in an affair, and before the husband can mount a legal action, she mounts her own divorce that will allow her to take a portion of the properties owned in marriage, custody plus child rearing expenses of the children, and a portion for herself from the spousal support.
To combat such abuses, some state allow no fault divorces only after when the couple has been living apart for several years and have been in marriage for a set period of time.
No fault causes of divorce had been a classic tactic for a deceiving spouse seeking financial advantages since its implementation, also known as “character assassination with a lawyer”. And due to its easy nature to pull of, no fault divorce had been a factor for the increased rate of divorces in the US alone.
The opposite for no fault is the Faulted Divorce which causes of divorce includes extra-marital affairs, strained relationship (which can also be a ground for No Fault), emotional and physical abuse, middle life crisis, several types of addictions including alcoholism, gambling, and substance, and severe workaholic attitude.
Unlike in the past when the churches hold the authority to null a marriage, causes of divorce are very few and at most strict. Since the inception of liberal ideas and the propagation of open-minded ideals and values, the causes of divorce have become more plentiful than the causes for marriages can ever be.
How To Avoid Divorce
Today, divorce seems to be the penicillin to all marriage problems. Married couples who are struggling with personal and business challenges don’t bother to fix the problem and avoid divorce.
Instead, they embrace it and see divorce as an easy, convenient end to a bad marriage.
It does not help that divorce is socially acceptable. Thus, at the first sign of trouble in a relationship, couples consider it as their first choice in solving the problem.
But divorce is not a cure to all the problems that you, as a couple, are having. In fact, it could often lead to more serious problems, such as financial, housing, and joint custody.
Why avoid divorce?
After a divorce, a former partner is said to feel depressed and lonely. He or she may withdraw from any social gatherings because his or her previous marriage that ended badly has put such a dent on his or her self-image and self-worth.
Or he or she may quickly end up in one bad relationship after another in an effort to dispel the loneliness.
You don’t want this to happen to yourself. Partners should not consider divorce just because “everyone else is doing it – and they survived.” Rather, you should avoid divorce at all cost, leaving it only as an alternative when everything else fails.
Your parents, siblings, and friends would tell you otherwise. However, their opinion should only have, at most, a persuasive effect on your decision.
They should not be the one to decide whether or not your marriage is still worth saving. The relationship that you have with your spouse is personal, private and unique. No matter what people say, you and no one else really know what is really going on between you and your partner.
Divorce is not easy
Hire a great divorce attorney to make everything smooth and easy for you. While this may be true at some level, divorce, no matter how smooth and easy, puts much stress on both you and your partner.
There is no such thing as an “easy divorce.” It is a very stressful and emotional process – one that you are not going to forget any time soon after the papers have been signed.
Now, you might say that a troubled marriage is no walk in the park either, so that when you work to avoid divorce, you are giving yourself a harder time than you should.
But all relationships that are worth your while require hard work. A lot of it. In order to make a marriage work and avoid divorce, some changes must be done. But don’t make the mistake of being able to change your partner’s personality.
You can change small habits, but you can never change the whole person. So you must learn to re-assess your own relationship circumstances and if you really feel that your partner is not worth your commitment and effort, you must accept this or start looking for someone else.
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